......and lost
It was the equivalent of Shang Tsung yelling out "Finish Him" in Mortal Kombat. I was finished when my competition - a very flexible gay man with a penchant for cut off jean vests and peroxide - began to dry hump the floor.
I was obviously not ready for battle in my peach colored dress that I bought from American Apparel a few hours earlier. I got arrogant and thought my competition would be a bunch of non rhythmic hipsters.
Silly me.
This is what also happened last night:
1. Beans (that dude from last week who may or may have not given me strep throat) is still employed. The nerve to still be employed. How dare you make a living. The nerve of some people not wanting to have sex with me. Sadly in about a week or two, I'll go back and the same thing will happen. I never learn.
2. Jesus (aka Jesse - don't be ashamed of those Latin roots!) invited me to a party. Guess who was stupid enough to walk through the east side at 2 in the morning?! I wasn't alone though. Deanna, and my friend Thaiflip (I always forget his government name) and his cousin joined us. Long story short, after a 20 minute walk we said fuck it and called a taxi to get us back to our cars. The taxi ended up passing uswhich would have resulted in another 20 minute wait. Did I mention we where in a section of the east side that I only like to see from my car? I kept thinking we were all going to get shot. Execution style. My famous last words? "I just wanted to meet some guys!" I did ask Jesus to give us a ride, however, we had already ordered the taxi. This guy seriously thought he was going to get in my pants. He hit a curb and got himself permanently DELETED from my cellphone when he peeled out the parking lot after informing him that we were going home.
3. Took a chance on an unknown kid -- brownie points to anyone who gets the reference. As we made our trek down east 7th, some guy in a pick up truck approaches us and asks if we need a ride. Since I was a wee lass, one of the biggest no no's was getting in the car with a stranger. Stranger Danger! This also happened to be Stupid Shit Saturday, so we got in. I figured in the event that I would need to make an emergency exit, I would sit closest to the door. My two male companions where in the pickup of the truck and Deanna sat next to the driver.
SPOILER ALERT!
We survived.
The truck driver was a friendly Christian man who has a niece that works at the Landing Strip (strip joint). He had told us that he had driven over there to give his niece some money. Yeah. I guess someone wasn't doing their job if your uncle had to come give your ass some money. Let me not judge. Anywho, we made it back to the cars and after a quick pit stop to IHOP (still gross after a 3 year hiatus), it was night night was this ole girl.
No shenanigans this week.
I'm staying in.
Allegedly .
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