Dirty D Strikes Again

The cliche hipster worms his way into my bed....again. We had sex listening to Beach House radio on Pandora. This one was smart. He left after we finished. But he did leave me a present in the form of his dirty ass socks. Guess no marriage for us, huh?

Suckers are born every minute

Had a dream involving the Spanish teacher from Halloween and I feel just as sexually frustrated then as I do now. I read my horoscope and it told me to remember my dreams as well as I can for the time being because one of them is pointing me in the right direction as far as love is concerned.

I am a love sick young woman and am looking forward to this weekend.

Lust For Life

I think I acted way too prematurely. Pegging you as boyfriend material. What was I thinking? So, to no one's surpirse, the guy - which now that I think about it, I can barely remember what he looked like besides dark hair, beautiful blue eyes, beard and hairy legs. That should have been a warning sign that he wasn't worth my time if I couldn't remember what his face looked like. No, I was not drunk. I wasn't even buzzed when I met him.- from last friday (no, not that creature from the black lagoon from two friday's ago) didn't return my text. I should have seen this coming but I put my blinders on and thought he was different. My mistake. I felt bad for an hour, and then realized that this is only September. Friday is only around the corner..............

Word of advice: Never give a guy a half hearted blow job.....he won't call you back

Don't Be Like Me

A wise gay man said that being a ho until you found the right one was acceptable. I used to believe that. But now, at the ripe old age of 22 and two one nighters, I have to say that I am over it. After that travesty last night I gotta admit, I am over the whole random hookup. I just cringed a little typing that. Who would have thought that me, the little salad hater who had her first dance with a guy at 21 would be like this. Time for a quick trip through memory lane. I remember my first date, riding through South Austin with Irving Lee in his bad ass Infiniti , talking about sex with random partners and how neither one of us would ever do anything like that. I look back on the memory and barely recognize that 20 year old girl who said such things.

What am I trying to say is, I really don't like the person I've become. I don't know what happened in the last 12 hours of my life, but I know I don't want to experience something like that for a while, or ever again. I just feel like I am being judged, no slut shammed--again with the cringing-- by my roommate. It's like the way she's always taking about going over to XYZ's house but not having sex with them, just "cuddling". I guess she think's "I'm that kind of girl."

I'm sick of the randoms and just want a fucking boyfriend. Why is it so hard?!

A New Low

It is 7:52 on a Saturday morning and I am researching planned parenthoods to go get checked. I think I'll just go to my clinic and get checked there. I will be on high alert until Monday. What the fuck was I thinking last night? I wake up to find some curly headed art major with a shitty pedostache laying on top of my white pillows. We have two issues, he is ugly as fuck, and he is laying on my white pillows. Can you guess which one I am more upset with?

After only 2 drinks and two shots, I end up with bent up bangles, a huge knot on the back of my head, and some random loser who may or may not be a friend of Dorthy Ann's if you get my drift. My head is a mess, and I feel terrible for poor Candice who had to witness the aftermath of this mess. I have two questions: One, how did I meet this loser. All I can remember is the shitty cupid shuffle and then falling into my friend's car. Two, why did no one tell me this guy looked like a trans man?

I need to clean everything, like ASAP because that is how violated I feel at the moment. I am also a little dizzy which could be from the knot on my head or the alcohol leaving my system. All I know is I really want some chicken nuggets. To make matters worse, I told Candice that I think that our roommate has an eating disorder. I truly hate myself. Oh, did I mention I am do to tear up the streets of Austin tonight? Or that I am do to go to a football game in a few hours, or that I have to attend a dinner?

If I had the means to do so I would throw up right now, but I can't. My punishment is in the form of sitting with a liquored belly and heavy conscience. I cannot believe the way I acted--the bit I remember by the way. I want to know how I ended up with this giant knot on my head. Did I mention I busted into my roommates room with no pants on? I seriously thought the girl was dead. Fuck! It is only September, this shit is embarrassing. When did I become such a ho? I seriously want to dunk myself in a vat of purell.

Enough buzzed blogging, I'm off to do something constructive....like take a rape shower.

No More Coffee For You Guys

"Why would she make that much coffee for herself?"

That's what I heard my roommate tell my other roommate a few seconds ago. I want to shout, "I made it for the whole house, you assholes!" Or, "I'm in the next room, my door is open, why don't you just ask me?" I really don't want to confront them about it, because I am pissed off by the tone of voice they said it in. And when I think I am being attacked, I will attack back.

They must think I am stupid or something, I know how much coffee I drink. I figured since everyone in the goddamn house drinks coffee it would be wise to just make a 4 cups instead of 1 cup.

Fuck that noise. I'm taking my bowls back. The next time I make coffee, it'll be for me and me only. Last time I do these bitches a favor.

Did he see my labia?

My roommate's boyfriend picked me up and put me to bed...well they think I am in bed.

I didn't know I was that easy to pick up...I hope he didn't see my coochie.

Oh You...............

Don't you just love that giddy feeling you get when someone reconnects with you after a year of silence? I feel that way with my friend that I met about 2 years ago in community college. He noticed me and we turned into really good friends which I thought was on the verge of becoming something, but he was in a relationship (I think. We never talked about stuff like that) and I was still nursing a broken heart and a bald head.

So fast forward to today where he tells me that my evil twin is at UTSA. No lie, I felt a heart palpation. Really weird, but I really want to call him and tell him to come visit me but I fear that it will be too akward considering we haven't had a conversation in a long time. I don't want to be too aggressive (although I really, really want to) and just randomly tell him to come over and play Life with me and have a few drinks.

He's like a long lost toy that I found while cleaning out my closet. All I want to do is play with him.

Le Sigh

Whaaa?

I am sitting in my room, watching reruns of House. It is lighting and pouring down rain. My nails are painted and I smell nice. Why am I in my room for a second night?! A little rain does not stop me from having a good time. I am just really pissy at the moment.

If that neighbor of mine and her loser boyfriend have sex tonight (3rd night in a row) forget playing New Kids On The Block, don't worry about the metal, I'm just going to bang on the wall and tell them to shut the fuck up. I normally don't come off this aggressive. I think it has to do with the shitty weather, seeing the lovely weather at Coachella oh, and the fact that the lovely guy I shared a lovely night with under the horse (general conversation, that's it) takes 3 god damn hours to return a fucking text! Who does that?

I don't understand how you can be batshit insane for me one second and then take 3 fucking hours to text me back. I thought the last hipster pissed me off by texting me 30 minutes later, but you my friend take the fucking cake.

This is what I get for reading my horoscope.

Two Men, Two Nights

My clothes stink, my hair stinks, my skin is oily, and I am dead tired, but I had to come back to talk about this. Have you ever sat under the stallion statue and just talk for two hours? I mean just talk about whatever underneath a horse and just talk? We talked about Forest Gump, Texas State Bumps, and the decline of man. The new guy and I had went to a few bars, but it was too loud, so we (I mean myself - I have a very low tolerance for alcohol) drunkly walked up and down the square and through the quad and then sat under the stallion statue and talked. I think it is the most fun I've had since being here.

Who would have known?

Oh yeah, my FWB surprised me last night and came over. Moral of the story: twin beds were made for one person, and one person only. And make sure you always have a backup near--never save yourself for one person, it gets lonely real fast. Oh, and be aggressive. Don't pussyfoot around. You want it, go for it.

Who Would Have Known?

In this day and age, I'm sure everyone looks up their old high school classmates on facebook. I was bored so I decided to look up the guy I had a huge crush on and a bunch of others.

It was just like something out of 'Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion.' I really thought my life sucked, but wow. Some of these people are fucked.

TGIHAHCO is now a walking steroid ad and currently stationed in Iraq, and it's like every other girl has either gained a hell of a lot of weight, or has given birth to multiple children. It is so sad. I mean, why does the smartest girl in school have a baby and work at best buy? Tragic. I am baffled that a girl who barely had enough brain power to tie her shoe could raise two children. I am just getting my life together and they have babies? Do none of these morons practice safe sex?!

Who would have thought the shy fat one (me) would be the only one doing something with herself?

That is Amazing!

My mommie says some of the most off the wall crap--which is probably why half the crap I say sounds kind of weird. I went home on Sunday and we happened to catch a trailer for the new 'Clash of the Titans' movie when I told her that Sam Worthington was the new Christan Bale. Here is a breakdown of our conversation:

Mommie: Wasn't he in 'Avatar?'

Me: Yeah, he was also in Terminator Salvation

Mommie: That was him? I thought he was really paralyzed!

Me: No, he can walk-

Mommie: That is so amazing, I thought he was a real paraplegic!

Yes, just another conversation with my mommie.

What's Been Going On

Thought I'd start over. I've neglected my little blog which is terrible because from my last entry (August feels forever ago) a whole bunch of crap has gone down. Some great, some not so great. So, here is what went down the last 7 months of my life:

1. One night stand with a really cute hipster boy that resulted me giving up the goods, and loosing the ole' v-card. I also met his father during the 8 GOD DAMN HOURS I was held hostage in his house the next day. That's one Black Friday that I will never forget.
2. Meeting a really nice guy who crashed his car on our first outing - he really should have listened to me about driving in the rain - he has since become my friends with benefits.
3. I have terrible eating habits, but walking around campus does have its benefits. According to my dear mommie I've become a "skinny bitch." Which makes me wonder how my former friend Sara (we aren't friends anymore btw) is now pushing a size 18 after being a 6.
4. My hair is growing! It's going to take sometime for it to get back to my normal length, but I am getting there.
5. Tobie still looks like a dumpsterfire, and Lady is still the same - NEEDY
6. Got sick AFTER getting my flu shot
7. Really hate my roommate. She smells like potatoes and has mad me hate honey mustard.

Sprinkle in good days, great days, and a few shitty days and you basically get what my first year at Texas State has been like. I really wish my camera battery wasn't dead, and I wasn't so lazy so I could have some sort of documentation. But when you have a memory like mine who really needs pictures?