Young Adult Fiction

Hello old friends. It has been about 6 months since my last posting. Some interesting and not so interesting things have happened since then. TLDT version - got laid off, got new job, moved in with Audrey, quit new job, starting to hate Audrey, got new job, no new car, or boyfriend, lots of sex.

Caught up yet? Good.

I'll be 26 in September and I'm sort of at a crossroads in my life. I have to get my shit together or else I fear that I will be like too many of these people in Austin who are fast approaching 30, and still haven't gotten their life together. With that said, I'm giving myself until July to get my life together. I will either be accepted into the Air Force where I will spend the next 4 years doing God knows what in God knows where. If that doesn't work, I will stay in Austin and go back to school - at least part time. Kids, don't major in Fashion Merchandising. Just don't do it. My new job is ok, but I realize that I really hate being a recruiter. My only other option (at the moment) is working at a call center. I have an interview on Tuesday. They pay a bit more; but the work. Oh dear sweet baby jeebus, the work. Plus I hate seeing black folks working at call centers.

I am currently talking - that's right, we talk on the phone! - to a really nice guy. He lives in College Station so we have only seen each other twice, but it works for me. He told me he deleted his OKC profile because he "already met a nice girl" (he means me, duh). I can't say that I believe him, but I am not deleting mine anytime soon. No commitment, no deleting my profile. I am also chatting with another cute guy. He lives outside of College Station. He isn't bad looking. However there are a few things that make me pause. For starters, that shitty tattoo. Son of the South adorned with a confederate flag is on his bicep. I'm just not sure how that would look if I, a black woman where to walk around with a white guy who has a confederate flag permanently etched onto his skin. Sleeping with a dude who happens to own a flag with a swastika is just as bad. I am guilty of the latter. In my defense, I wasn't aware he was into shit like that.

My living situation is a mess right now. We're not at Def Con 1 levels quite yet, but we are fast approaching it. As some of you know, I live with my friend Audrey. What none of you know is that she is a slob. She is, in the words of New York, "gutterbutt." She is just nasty. I feel like a Vietnam Vet when I go into the bathroom. It is like living in a petridish. My apartment is less than stellar. I mean it isn't a total dump, but compared to Midtown Commons, I might as well be living in war torn (insert country here). My lease is up in July - hence why I have to get my shit together by then. What I am currently baffled with is my inability to understand how I lived with Audrey for so many months and haven't had the urge to choke her out before. July needs to hurry up and get here before I get DMX levels of crazy.

Since we are on the subject of friends, I might as well give you an update on Claire. I think we are back on the outs. I'm not sure what her issue is lately, but she never wants to hang out anymore. We had a really good January, but as of today she is back to avoiding my invites out. Sometimes I think she is jealous of me. We went out towards the end of January and she tried- keyword here is tried- to get in an argument with me over men. It lasted all of 3 minutes. It was over a guy she thought was cute, but wanted me. Spoiler alert - we had sex, wasn't bad. But since then she has been really flakey. I really need to get new lady friends.

As I sit here and type in this coffee shop and reflect on the past 6 months of my life; it hasn't been too terrible. There are things that I have to change, and I realize that. Guess it is time to put on my big girl panties and actually make that change happen.

Return of the Strep

Back with a vengeance.
Son of a bitch.
Stupid pills and shot (in my ass!) did not work. Now I have to drag myself back to the clinic tomorrow and figure out how they are going to end my suffering.
I'm constantly hot and I can feel my tonsils resting on my tongue. That is how inflamed they are.
It is disgusting.

The only upside I can see to having strep again, is lack of appetite. Guess who is going to be 5 pounds smaller by the end of the week? The downside is that I'm going to miss going to Schiliterbahn on Tuesday with my friends. Even worse? I have no more sick time and have received "counseling" for my unscheduled absences. Whatever.

I'm scared to go to sleep because I know that I'm going feel even worse than I already do when I wake up in the morning. I should just stay up and continue to watch the Buffy marathon on Syfy.

My parents and Chidgey came to visit today. The tiny asshole was not a tiny asshole today. He was really nice, and only nipped at me once. We still need to have an overnight stay to see if we can make it together. I never noticed how mangled his bottom row of teeth are. It is a little disturbing.

Enough rambling. I'm sleepy and will be hitting the hay soon.

No crazy hijinx last week.

I Entered A Twerk Contest

......and lost 

It was the equivalent of Shang Tsung yelling out "Finish Him" in Mortal Kombat. I was finished when my competition - a very flexible gay man with a penchant for cut off jean vests and peroxide - began to dry hump the floor.  

I was obviously not ready for battle in my peach colored dress that I bought from American Apparel a few hours earlier. I got arrogant and thought my competition would be a bunch of non rhythmic hipsters. 

Silly me. 

This is what also happened last night:

1. Beans (that dude from last week who may or may have not given me strep throat) is still employed. The nerve to still be employed. How dare you make a living. The nerve of some people not wanting to have sex with me. Sadly in about a week or two, I'll go back and the same thing will happen. I never learn. 

2. Jesus (aka Jesse - don't be ashamed of those Latin roots!) invited me to a party. Guess who was stupid enough to walk through the east side at 2 in the morning?! I wasn't alone though. Deanna, and my friend Thaiflip (I always forget his government name) and his cousin joined us. Long story short, after a 20 minute walk we said fuck it and called a taxi to get us back to our cars. The taxi ended up passing uswhich would have resulted in another 20 minute wait. Did I mention we where in a section of the east side that I only like to see from my car? I kept thinking we were all going to get shot. Execution style. My famous last words? "I just wanted to meet some guys!" I did ask Jesus to give us a ride, however, we had already ordered the taxi. This guy seriously thought he was going to get in my pants. He hit a curb and got himself permanently DELETED from my cellphone when he peeled out the parking lot after informing him that we were going home. 

3. Took a chance on an unknown kid -- brownie points to anyone who gets the reference. As we made our trek down east 7th, some guy in a pick up truck approaches us and asks if we need a ride. Since I was a wee lass, one of the biggest no no's was getting in the car with a stranger. Stranger Danger! This also happened to be Stupid Shit Saturday, so we got in. I figured in the event that I would need to make an emergency exit, I would sit closest to the door. My two male companions where in the pickup of the truck and Deanna sat next to the driver. 

                                                         SPOILER ALERT!

We survived. 

The truck driver was a friendly Christian man who has a niece that works at the Landing Strip (strip joint). He had told us that he had driven over there to give his niece some money. Yeah. I guess someone wasn't doing their job if your uncle had to come give your ass some money. Let me not judge.  Anywho, we made it back to the cars and after a quick pit stop to IHOP (still gross after a 3 year hiatus), it was night night was this ole girl. 

No shenanigans this week. 

I'm staying in. 

Allegedly . 

Oops I Did It Again

Fucking Barbarella. 

Once again I fell for the charms of the bartender with the curly hair. 

Last time I was off my ass, and gave him my number...which he didn't use. 

This time he gave me his number....which he didn't respond. 

He was cute. Curly hair. Tall. Kissed me. 

Allegedly he got fired. 

I keep breaking my promise of no more service industry guys. They are just so cute. I can't resist. 

Audrey and myself pretended to be British girls from Bristol, and my friend Suzee was our guide through the city. A group of guys tried to follow us to my car. Got a ride from a guy driving around in one of those carts. Not a pedicab. 

I thought he was cute. Got his number. 

Audrey asked if we wanted to go swimming. Wound up lost and broke at least two laws in South Austin. 

Ended our night with the driver from earlier. He was not that hot and brought over some old guy. 

6 AM rolled around, went to HEB and got coffee. 

Smoked way too much at Suzee's house. 

I spent all of yesterday worried that I had given myself an increased risk for a heart attack due to the number of cigarettes I (tried) smoking. 

Tried to work out. 

Felt like shit. 

Finally got to bed around 1 pm. 

Checked phone. 

No missed calls. 

Damn it. 

Why Yes...

I'm pretty giddy at the moment. Maybe because this happened.

The Blinking Green Light

My parents bought me a Droid for Christmas last year. My dad told me that I needed to get with the times. This also comes from a man who owns an iPhone, but has no clue what an app is. I've had this phone for a little over 7 months now, and I am just realizing that my phone will blink green if I get a text, miss a call, or get a voicemail. I get really giddy whenever my phone blinks green - don't act like you don't flip your shit when your crush sends you a  text - tragic, but true. My mood instantly changes the second I see the stupid little green flash of light. Don't judge.

To make a long story short....it is 10:48 PM on a Saturday and I have no blinking light. I keep flipping my phone checking to see that damn blinking light. Torture! Especially when I compare it to last weeks debauchery - you can read about it on Danielle Does Austin!!  My two comrades in booze are both working tonight. My other friend is hanging with some (loser) guy tonight. I never understood going to a club with a guy you happen to be into. Clubs are for finding guys to fuck...thus giving you something to talk about the next morning at brunch.

All I wanna do is shake my ass and wear cute clothes. Is that too much to ask?!

I'm pretty sure this has been one of the silliest things I have ever (openly) published. Whatever, this is what happens when you have no plans on a Saturday night.

woops

I must have spoken too soon. Social media is a terrible thing. I should have listened to my mother. Damn her for always being right. I feel so jittery right now. Like I've been running forever and my body is catching up with the rest of me. My heart is racing, ears are burning, lump in my throat.  Klaxons blaring in my ears. I feel like Beatrix Kiddo just as she goes to kick the ass of the ones who wronged her. My skin is on fire. Hot welps rise across my neck and outside of my left thigh.
I try to remain angry. That way I won't cry. I get so sick of crying.

Btw, can you believe the passive aggressive way Zach referred to my new picture as an upgrade? Really? Could have fooled me. Didn't have a problem with my curly hair 3 weeks ago when we had sex in the parking garage. Or the night before you left for Chicago.

All the same. No one is special. What a fool I was. Am. Overdramatic a bit? Yes, but I'm a bit hurt and exteremly jealous at the same time. Oh no. The anger has subsided. Replaced with thoughts of self loathing. Tears. I can summon the power of Mary J Blidge and a host of other strong, independent women, but none of it helps. The impending doom lays over my head. The clouds have already appeared. Just waiting for the rain.